What you may be feeling right now is depression…and that is okay
When I was 10, my dad commit suicide.
The reality of depression hit my worldview at a young age, and though I am someone who’s never experienced depression, it’s been around me, and I know how real it is.
Depression is not just being in a bad mood.
It is not just being sad or unmotivated.
It’s more than that; it’s a deep sense of hopelessness that feels heavy on your chest and your heart, that can often rob you of clear judgment, reason or ability to look for — or focus on — the good around you.
Depression doesn’t care about how wealthy or successful you are, or how nice your house is, or how great your relationships are.
“But he/she has so much to be grateful for, why are they depressed?” is a question I have often heard from people when talking about a depressed family member or friend.
It’s not logical. Emotions never are, especially when you are predisposed to a wiring in your brain that makes depression something you may be more susceptible to.
And even if depression is not in your family history, or in your personal experience, there is a piece of depression that I think is easy to relate to right now with what we are all going through in regards to the shelter-in-place and lifestyle adjustments we are having to make in response to the Covid-19 pandemic.
At the root of depression is hopelessness.
And right now, in the absence of predictability of what is next and the not knowing of how we can plan for our future, it can be easy to fall into the trap of feeling hopeless.
And while that may be a natural progression of your thoughts and/or emotional experiences, there are tools that you can use to intervene when those patterns show up.
I think mindfulness is the answer to everything. This is not a convenient response to finding an easy solution. I truly believe mindfulness is the answer.
Mindfulness is the ability to be with what is arising and not trying to instantly change it.
I once heard someone tell me that “mindfulness is like having an itch and choosing not to scratch it.”
Mindfulness is allowing yourself to sit with what’s uncomfortable, and rather than reacting to it and saying in your head, “I hate this! Why is this happening?” it is the ability to be curious and have compassion for yourself instead.
It’s to say, “Oh wow, look at that…I’m noticing I’m feeling lonely and withdrawn right now. I’m not sure what to hold onto because I don’t know what’s next for me…” and to allow that emotion and that thought to be present without judging yourself or the situation.
That is an understandable experience to be having; it makes perfect sense to feel this way.
Mindfulness is the knowing that it is through sitting with your present emotion or thought, without fighting it or pushing it away, the quicker it will pass.
I know that this is not only a paradox, but it is also easier said than done.
And yet it is one of the best ways out of the negative reactive spiral that is keeping you stuck.
Mindfulness can help prevent you from falling into hopelessness and despair.
Remember, it’s okay to feel whatever you are feeling. It is normal to feel what you feel right now. And, your experiences do not define you, and most importantly, nor are they permanent.
In this week’s episode of my Journey Forward with Joree Rose podcast, I interview Lindsay Weisner, who works with suicidal teens, and has also just co-authored a book titled, Ten Steps to Finding Happy.
When interviewing her, I asked her which of the steps was her favorite. She said it was “finding your passion; finding your purpose.”
This, for her, is one of the best ways to help yourself out of the cycle of unhappiness or depression, allowing yourself to be on a journey towards lasting joy.
And remember, focusing on your passion or purpose may help you at times, and at others, you may still feel stuck. And that too is okay.
You can have two competing emotions at once. You can be sad, lonely, and insecure, while also feeling inspired, joyful, and hopeful.
Both are true. And can be…at the same time! We are complex beings, and that is just part of being human.
For some people I work with, one of the reasons they feel stuck is that they don’t know what their passion or purpose is, and that in and of itself is enough to put someone down the rabbit hole of despair.
So once again, let mindfulness be the answer. Can you be okay not knowing right now, and know that you can continue to uncover your passion and purpose?
Ask yourself, “What steps can I take today that would lead me towards finding where my joy resides?”
Or perhaps allow your curiosity to grow and let what fires up your soul emerge over time.
I give you permission to not have it all figured out. I honor and accept where you are at.
Just remember, when you choose to dwell your energy, attention and focus on the part of you that is feeling inspired and motivated, it can serve to lighten the emotions that are heavier to carry.
Let this serve as a reminder that no matter how you’re wired, no matter what your current emotional mood or situation, your mindset is powerful and that you can choose your response to whatever you are experiencing.
And if you are not in the habit of dwelling on the good, then let that be okay too.
Just know that each moment is another opportunity to practice.